Recently I decided to give up the ghost on getting my bachelors degree. Today I had an unexpected day off and used the time to throw out my old notes and textbooks. The whole process was therapeutic. I reflected on how I was stressing over getting a job in a field that pays the same as I am making now. The only difference is that the job I have now comes with no stress. Once I clock out for the day, I don’t have another thought about work. On the other side, the job I was working so hard to obtain would come with hearing the trauma of assault and abuse victims all day, every day. Something that I would not be able to forget about when I went home for the day.
Since walking away from school I have noticed that my stress level has diminished. I had been worried that I am not doing enough to pass my classes. Whether or not my mental health would survive a work environment like that. Leaving school was a difficult decision to make. In a way though, the universe and my previous employer made it for me when I was laid off from my victim advocacy position and lost funding to finish my degree.
Before in the evening as Nick and I watched mindless tv and I would feel guilty that I wasn’t doing more homework. I don’t feel that guilt anymore. Instead, I have time to read outside a textbook or peer reviewed article. Which means I have also started reading dirty novels again. With any luck the reading will also bring inspiration for my own writing.