Work has me stressed. I am constantly feeling pressure to perform at a level that I don’t know if I am good enough for. I jumped into this new job almost a year ago without any experience. The only thing that really qualified me was that I criminal justice was my major when I went to college. The new job was not only just a new industry, but it put me in charge of the entire department for the store I am located in. (For those of you wondering I am in Asset Protection *security* for a big retailer, the one that uses a bullseye for their logo.)
Starting that position gave me a 40% income increase. Which was great, but I would still stress about money. Are we ever going to be able to buy a house? Are we EVER going to get out of debt? Why did we just buy that new car? Oh yeah, because we couldn’t fit our entire family into one vehicle, it was a need. Why did we just buy the teenagers iPhones?
The combination of these pushed me into a depression that has been very difficult to climb out of. Normally, I would be able to feel a low point coming on and make small changes to my routine to help pull myself out of it. Such as making the bed and cleaning the room a priority. Taking time for myself to read or work on a project. This time that didn’t help and I found myself too tired and unmotivated to make even the small things happen.
I made myself an annual checkup at the doctor. The doctor asked me how work was going and that was when I lost it. Tears streaming down my cheeks I told him how overwhelmed and stressed I had felt. How I couldn’t even do things that bring me joy. When he recommended an antidepressant, I agreed that would be a good idea.
It took a couple month, but by Christmas I was close to being myself again. Mid January I was back at it. Writing again, doing crochet projects, and not stressing too much at work. What I still don’t fully have back yet is the kinky lifestyle that Nick and I enjoy.
When I was depressed I didn’t want anything to do with it, hell I didn’t even want to think about sex which is VERY unlike me. Since coming back to the land of the happy Nick and I just haven’t been able to fully recover. I think a lot of it has to do with my schedule. Another issue is we can’t do a lot of the things we like to do that really get us back in the mood in our current living situation. We have to be fairly quiet and making any impact on skin is far too loud. Never mind being able to kneel at his feet naked while we watch a movie in the living room.
Luckily, we have a trip coming up. One where we will have at least one night where we can get really kinky and reignite that fire between us. Most likely from the heat coming off my ass cheeks after the beating they will get.
If you ever feel the signs of depression coming on, don’t feel ashamed. It is something that many struggle with and there is always help. I tried to fight mine and hide it for a long time. I think if I had acknowledged it and got help earlier I would have been much better off. Luckily Nick has been very understanding and by my side every step of the long road.