In September Nick and I will have been together 4 years, no 5.. wait 4… AGH! It feels like I have known him forever, and I have forgotten how long it really is. I have been thinking a lot about what it was like when we first met. We lived about an hour apart, I was working full time, a full time student, and most importantly a full time mom. Seeing each other was difficult. I worked crazy never the same, but usually late at night hours, and when I wasn’t working I was either in class or at some sort of sports function for my son. Yet we somehow found the time to see each other every couple days.
Do you remember the start of a new relationship? Especially after you first had sex and it was phenomenal. That addiction for another person growing, and just wanting to stay in bed to fuck all of the time. That is how our relationship went for a few months. If we weren’t fucking, we were talking about fucking. We started dipping our toes into the D/s very early on because somebody got really drunk and said she liked being tied up and losing all control. I will never regret that. We spent time talking about what we wanted, what we were comfortable with trying, and coming up with a very basic contract, although at the time it seemed so complicated.
The best part was the actual fucking. It would be an all day event. Fucking multiple times and each time going longer than the one before it. I miss it. Nick’s roommate started stocking Gatorade in the fridge because he feared for our well being.
Fast forward four (or is it five) years and it’s not like that anymore. We say it is because we now have the kids around and life is just too busy, but part of me wonders if a bigger part is we have lost the new relationship sparkle. We are no longer each others shiny new toy that we have to play with all the time. We have both put on weight, lost some stamina, and do all of the bodily functions in front of each other with no embarrassment. I definitely don’t need a new toy. Instead I need to find a way to sparkle for him again, and find ways to look at Nick in new ways so he will sparkle for me.
We also need to make finding time to “sparkle” together a priority. Yes, the kids need us. We have a teenager who is battling depression and anxiety, another who is so involved in sports we feel like that is all we do, a toddler with very fierce demands, and a pre-teen who rarely speaks up even if he does need our attention. (We like to call him Steve Rogers. The good soldier who does what he is told and never complains.) That isn’t an excuse though. Someday it will just be the two of us. The kids will be gone and attempting to be adults.
We occasionally have what we call resets to try and get back into the groove of our relationship, and it will last a couple weeks and then we are back to survival mode again. During survival mode time I sit and think about the way it was in the beginning, wishing we still had that. Wishing we were going all day and night unable to feel satisfied until we were too tired to move, then finding the motivation to keep going because it felt so good. We may never be able to go like that again, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at each other in that way again.