I Can’t Handle the Guilt

Before I really dive into this, I want to say I am super thankful for Nick taking some of the household chores to ensure I am not stressed out or overwhelmed. As great as that is, knowing he cares for me, and only wants me to be happy I have to say the submissive in me HATES that he is doing it.

When we started on this 24/7 D/s path I agreed to be in charge of keeping the house and doing “wifely” duties. (Think 1950’s housewife.) Watching Nick do the laundry, clean up the baby’s room, vacuum, and really any of the things I agreed to do hurts. It makes me feel like a failure. I know it is just a temporary thing until I get used to my new position, but that doesn’t stop the internal damning.

I have always been a proud person, one who finds it really difficult to ask even family for help. I have always wanted to do it myself and not have to rely on others to do it for me. In fact, I hate it so much that I haven’t really even asked Nick to help me instead he took it on himself to say he was going to do it. He told me to write a list of everything that needed to get done and he started doing the items on the list. Including vacuuming even though the sound of the vacuum bothers him so bad I usually have to do it when he isn’t home.

Again, the stressed out side of me is super thankful for Nick, but there is another part of me that is upset by this to. That is my OCD side. I am so picky about how things are done, and well, Nick doesn’t get it done my way. I have had to bite my tongue and get over it. I know there are other ways to do things, but I like my towels folded a certain way, my shirts on the appropriate hangers, my pants folded just right. I am a little crazy, and God bless Nick for dealing with me going behind him and fixing everything. He barely complains about it.

I guess I just need to get over it. I know soon I will get into a better rhythm and be able to get everything at the house done so he doesn’t have to. It is just going to be guilt and OCD overdrive until then.

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