Relationship maintenance. You hear about needing to do this in a vanilla relationship, but what about your D/s relationship? If you are like Nicholas and I you find that the D/s side needs it more than the vanilla side. Almost like the D/s keeps the vanilla strong, but we have to do maintenance to keep the D/s strong. (Did I just ramble in a confusing way, yes I did.)
Nicholas and I have been trying to balance work, kids, illness (yay flu season), and really all things vanilla. However, it seems to be taking a toll on our D/s relationship. Which is upsetting, since that is the part of our relationship we enjoy the most.
Actually saying enjoy is misleading. That makes it sound like its just something we want to do. That is not the case. To our very core we NEED our D/s relationship. When we start to lose our D/s connection we start to lose focus on who we are. Not just as a Dominant or submissive, but as individuals. I can’t describe how it is for Nicholas, but for me I feel lost. I feel like my life doesn’t have purpose. I am just going through the motions to make it through the what has to be done throughout the day while there is a cloud hanging over me.
Nicholas have been trying to figure out how we can fix this. Wondering how we can keep up on our D/s alive and well while still surviving our busy life. We may have come up with a plan that will work. Now we just have to stick to it.
We have devised a list of things we could do nightly that takes a short amount of time and energy in order to give us the connections and releases we need. We pick something random from the list, unless one of us is needing something specific after a hard or emotional day. Say Nicholas needs to satisfy his masochist side. He can request that he uses the cane on me, or I need to feel his ownership so I ask to have my collar and leash on while we relax before bed.
I have a good feeling about this plan. The main thing to take from this is ALL relationships need to be cared for. I don’t care if you are Master/slave, Daddy/babygirl or vanilla for that matter. The effort you put into your will be returned in the form of a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner(s), and really you as an individual.