The Mr. and I have had numberous talks negotiating what our needs, wants, limits, expectations, and everything in between. Before you ask, yes, we do have a contract.
The contract is mostly a set of rules and reoccurring tasks that I am to complete followed by the punishment that will be administered if I fail. It also outlines what I need from Mr as my Dom. Some punishments aren’t even physical torments. For example, because I am trying to lose weight I have been restricted on my Pepsi intake. Because this is the ONLY soda I like, and I think the rest are awful my punishment for having more than I am allowed is I have to drink a the same amount of soda of Mr’s choosing. To put this into perspective I hate Dr. Pepper so much I call it Satan’s Cum. It’s awful… and now I am getting off on a tangent.
As for the kinky bedroom stuff, we are constantly talking about what we want and where we are on things. It’s close to a daily conversation, okay maybe weekly because, well, we have kids.
When Mr and I first started dating, and really before we got into the kink, we made it very clear that communication and honesty was our first priority. I had been lied to in the past and he was just getting out of a marriage where her infidelity was a BIG issue. Because of this negotiation is a big part of our relationship, not just the D/s side, but the “vanilla” side that our families and kids see as well. We rarely fight, as in maybe twice in 3 years. Not because we don’t disagree, but because we negotiate and talk through it.
I don’t have too much to add because this just about sums it all up. I would suggest if you do make a document you break it out every so often and take a look at it. I only suggest this because its a living document and may need to change as your relationship and dynamic changes. We recently went over our contract and made many changes because some tasks and goals have changed over time and though our contract should change as well. Also the sadist in me wanted to adjust some punishments that seemed more interesting and more devious a.k.a Dr. Pepper rule.